by Lori Heagney
Many years ago I was wading in the ocean in waist deep water when out of nowhere a rip current knocked me off my feet and pulled me under. I was shocked and terrified. I held my breath. I wanted to fight, but I couldn’t. It was out of my control and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I remember opening my eyes and seeing the sun shine through the water above me. That moment is indelibly etched in my memory. It was strangely beautiful and I felt at peace. I mentally gave in to the experience, knowing that eventually I would surface. It seemed like minutes, but was probably just seconds before I broke through the water and was able to breath again. I was nowhere close to where I had first stepped into the ocean, but I was thankful I had survived.
Eighteen months ago today, my husband died after his 4-year long battle with a rare bone marrow disease. The experience hit me like the rip current once had.
It knocked me off my feet.
I was shocked and terrified.
I held my breath.
I wanted to fight, but I couldn’t.
It was out of my control and I couldn’t do anything about it.
My story didn’t end there. I did not drown in my sorrow, though I thought I might at times. The rip current of grief was strong, but God proved Himself stronger. Throughout my season of grief, He showed me over and over that He is truly sovereign and if I let go and “gave in” to His plans, no matter how much I wanted to fight them, He would show compassion in my season of grief. He promised me that I would surface again.
The rip current pulled me under without warning, as did my husband’s death. Just as my experience so many years ago, it also brought me to a new place, no where close to where my journey began.
I have grieved and I have grown.
I gave in and found peace.
I was stretched and it made me stronger.
I kept my eyes on the “Son” and it made all the difference.
I know how hard it is to lose someone you care for. I have also questioned “why?” and wondered what point there was to my suffering. Now that I have surfaced and I’m healing, I can see how God is using this experience for His good. All of us experience a myriad of losses in our lives. Grief is no stranger to any of us. If you are struggling with loss and grief on your own and feel like you are still under water, make a call to us today. We are here to help.
Though the Lord brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. – Lamentations 3:32
