By Lori Heagney, LPC
“…Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12: 31 English Standard Version)
Trials in life often come without warning, and one of the most stressful has proven to be caring for a loved one or family member who becomes ill or afflicted by an accident. Often these situations come on suddenly and without a training course in how to take care of that person. Although showing selfless acts of kindness comes with its own rewards, it can be exhausting and take a toll on one’s own physical and mental health.
All too often we are programmed to believe that selflessness means not focusing on our own needs. This belief can lead to unhealthiness in spirit, mind, and body. The impact of not caring for yourself can result in physical symptoms of headaches, body aches, lowered immune system, frequent colds, fatigue, sleep problems, unwanted weight gain or weight loss, or abuse of substances. It can also impact one’s mood with bouts of irritability, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, feelings of loneliness, and can even impact the brain with lack of focus and memory loss (CaringBridge.org). There is also a spiritual impact that can lead to questioning one’s faith, becoming angry with God or distancing oneself from Him when the questions of “Why?” seem to go unanswered.
If you have ever been on an airplane, you have heard the familiar pre-flight instruction that tells you, “In the event of a loss in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will deploy from the ceiling compartment located above you. Please secure your own mask before assisting others around you.” Similarly, taking care of yourself while you care for someone else puts you in a position to offer them your best help.
Here are 10 TIPS to help you stay healthy in body, mind, and spirit.
- Get Enough Sleep. We all become grumpy and don’t function well when we don’t get enough sleep. We all need time to restore and re-energize and a consistent bedtime with 7-9 hours of rest will help you stay well.
- Maintain a healthy diet. Being on the go, running to and from doctor appointments and having a disrupted schedule can throw off even the most health-conscious; however maintaining nutrition is one of the most important things you can do for your body. Food is fuel and you cannot survive and thrive on a diet of junk and fast-food. Strive for consistent breaks throughout the day to take in a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Accept help from friends that offer to cook you a meal. Prep food over the weekend and freeze it, making dinner less time-consuming after an exhausting day.
- Remain active. Take time out to exercise. Even a ten-minute walk can clear your mind, relieve stress, and restore energy levels.
- Breath. We tend to hold our breath when we are stressed, depriving our body of oxygen and setting off the “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” alarm. This leads to anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. Focus on learning this breathing technique even before you feel stressed in order to develop this amazingly effective skill. Try this: Take a deep breath in through your nose to the count of 4, hold your breath to the count of 2, then exhale through your mouth to the count of 6. Now repeat 3-5 times. You should feel the relaxing effects immediately!
- Pray. Prayer may not instantly change your circumstances, but God certainly uses your prayer as an instrument to obtain peace and growth in the midst of them. Maintaining communication with the One who is sovereign and in control, when we feel no control, can bring a “…peace that surpasses all understanding…” (Philippians 4:7) in the midst of the storm.
- Connect. It may seem difficult to stay connected with the outside world while caregiving, but it is super important to do so. Even when you can’t leave the house for extended periods of time, online users can find community through social media and caregiver support groups. Stay connected with friends and other family members by phone, or take someone up on their offer to watch your loved one while you attend your weekly connect/support group. Don’t refuse that invitation to go out for coffee to meet with a friend. Remember to laugh. Your mental health will welcome these nurturing opportunities.
- Write out your thoughts/feelings. There is something quite amazing about getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Journaling can be an excellent companion during trying times. Do so without worrying about grammar or sentence structure, and see how God can use this tool to bring clarity to your mind and peace to your spirit.
- Set boundaries and ask for help. It’s OK to say “No” sometimes. It doesn’t make you unloving or uncaring. It’s important to know your limits and ask for help when you need it. No one person can do it all and asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Reach out to friends or organizations that can assist with things that become overwhelming.
- Tend to your own health. Often caregivers will neglect their own health while trying to keep someone else healthy. It’s important to stay up to date with your own doctor appointments and medical needs. Seeing a counselor can also help you talk out thoughts and feelings you may tend to keep inside or believe you cannot burden your loved one with.
- Remember who you are. A caregiving role can sometimes uproot you from your job and the purpose you’ve gained from it. It can sometimes come with a reversal of roles when an adult child has to take care of their aging parents. This can be confusing and leave you feeling overwhelmed and displaced. It’s important to remember who you are and what you enjoy doing. Take breaks to read a book, listen to music, go outside and enjoy nature. Remember who you are in Christ as well. Through Him we are “…more than a conquerors…” (Romans 8:37)
In Jeremiah 29:11 God reminds us that “…I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (New International Version) Regardless of your circumstances, He cares for you and your loved one, and will provide for your every need in Him.
Sources: https://www.caringbridge.org/resources/techniques-to-relieve-caregiver-stress
