by Kevin Wimbish, LMFT
“Criticism,” “accusation,” “attack,” “censure,” “charge,” “complaint,” “disapproval,” “disfavor,” “disparagement,” “implication,” “opposition,” “reproach,” “slur,” tirade.”
These are just some of the words from www.thesauras.com if one searches for synonyms for the word “blame.”
As I contemplated this blog post, initially I was planning to write about some macro issues that I see in our culture. Ways that we seem to be becoming something that is increasingly grieving my heart.
However, upon hearing a recent sermon from our Pastor, Bruce Frank, of Biltmore Church (https://www.biltmorechurch.com/sermon/authenticity-must-be-hypocrisy/), I believe the Holy Spirit convicted me to consider myself first. Upon further thought, I think if maybe we all did this, we could get somewhere. Somewhere more positive. Somewhere more helpful. Somewhere beyond blame.
“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3-5, New American Standard Bible)
What if in conflict in my relationships, I looked at my own issue(s) first?
When something triggers us to anger, what if we paused, took a couple of slow, deep breaths, and considered “what is my log?”
I wonder how many marital conflicts may become more loving if that happened, as opposed to creating more pain?
I wonder how many interactions we would have with our children that would not leave damaging, but life-giving words?
I wonder how many offices, churches, cities, states, countries would benefit from being willing to look inward before looking outward?
I wonder if our nation may begin to heal, instead of seeming to tear itself apart.
The Scripture does not say to never address anything with the other person. I believe that if we take the time to deeply consider our “log,” it brings a sense of humility, a sense of humanness to the equation. I think it helps to see more objectively without our own “win/ lose” mentalities taking over and being able to find better solutions. Then, from that posture, we are then able to address the concern with the other person, in a way that empathizes with what it means to be human, to struggle, to make mistakes, to sin, and still know that we are no better, and still address the issue. We’re all in the same boat. I don’t mean the “boat” talked about pertaining to the situation with COVID. I mean the “boat,” of being humans, of being fallible, of often simply being a mess, and seeing that “we’re all just trying to make it,” as my old friend Terence used to say.
Then we can “try to make it” together.
I don’t think it’s going to work with pointing fingers “out there.” The problem with us all is “in here,” first. I think any honest view of human history will support that notion.
