by Ashleigh Beason, LCMHCA
It feels like a snow day-or it did feel like a snow day for the first day or so. Now it looks like it may become several months worth of snow days and a reality that we never thought we would face. So many of us are disappointed. Nothing is going as planned. Weddings are postponed, birthday celebrations are cancelled, spring fairs, school sports, proms, performances, concerts, conferences, March madness—and school has been cancelled until May 15. Many of these are rites of passages for teenagers that they have planned for months or even years. This interruption has affected all of us in some way, but I know teenagers are incredibly disappointed realizing they will not get to be with their friends perhaps for a couple of months.
Teens deal with disappointment in different ways and with different emotions. As parents, since you are some of the only social interaction they are getting, it is important for them to feel loved and supported. Parents, here are some things to know about your teenagers as you help them navigate COVID-19.
1. Let them be sad. Events like prom and school in general really matter to them. This is a major loss in your teenager’s life and they need space to grieve that. Support, validate, and normalize this for them. No one could have guessed that there would be a day where your teen was sad about not going to school. This can be an encouragement as a parent though, because it shows us that they cared about school even when we thought they didn’t. Teens care about their friends, sports, social life, work, and even school work. It is a privilege to love these events, to understand their value and grieve the loss of them. Some teenagers might feel some relief that they are no longer stressed with so many things to do, and they have gotten out of commitments they did not want to do in the first place. Those feelings are valid as well.
2. Although this isolation can provide families with more time together, most all teenagers specifically want to have independence. Therefore, many are struggling with the reality that they will be inside with parents for the unforeseen future. It is important to give them alone time as well.
3. Perhaps your teen is frustrated with you because you are trying to stick to the guidelines of social distancing while others are not. Give them permission to blame you for this while trying to find other ways to be flexible. They may not have as much freedom as other teens because of social distancing, but you can work together to find an alternative.
4. While your teen’s disappointment does have the potential to turn up the volume on depression and anxiety, it is important to create a sense of normalcy-make new routines and schedules. And while you may become more flexible about technology rules, make sure you keep some rules around online activity including Netflix and social media. Make sure they get good sleep, eat as healthy as possible, and continue to get some physical activity. Teens are creative too, so even giving them the opportunity to choose what these rules and routines are might be helpful.
There is so much we still do not know about what the Spring will look like, but we do know that teenagers are resilient and adaptable and will get through this-but not without some disappointment. As Donna Gibbs always says, “Every challenge invites a victory,” so help your teen find victory in the midst of significant let-downs in his or her life.
