How To Help Our Children Process Threats to School Safety

By Donna Gibbs

“Mom, everyday there is a threat. They say they are going to shoot at kids getting off the school bus, or they are going to come into the school with an Ak-47.”

“Dad, there have been several people arrested this week for making threats towards our school.”

“If there is a shooter at one end of the hall, and I’m at the other end, and all of the doors in the hall are locked, and the teachers aren’t allowed to open the door for me, what do I do?”

“I’ve thought through which teachers we can probably count on to protect us. They’d do anything to help us. Here’s my list…”

“I’m nervous. It’s hard for me to concentrate on school-work because I’m distracted by all of this”.

“I love going to school. I don’t want to be homeschooled. But I’m sometimes kinda scared”.

Yes, those conversations happened in my home recently.

I bet they happened in yours too.

I’m angry. Growing up I was nervous about fights or bullies. But it never crossed my mind that someone would come into the halls of our school with an assault rifle with the intent of massacre. Never did that occur to me. Never. But our children no longer have that luxury.

While I could just focus this blog on my anger, and spend the next few minutes simply venting, I recognize that God has placed within us the capacity to experience anger, that it be the fuel for an effective and productive response. So, with anger fueling my way, I’m going to share a few suggestions on how you (and I) might help our children process something so outrageous.

1. Let’s process this with grace. How? With grace, we listen to our children. Without judgement, we take the time to hear their thoughts and their emotions. We stay with them as they process emotions of fear, anger, confusion. We validate their emotions. We sit with them as they think it all through. Many children and teens are not discussing this at school – they may feel it’s too uncomfortable and intense. Our children must have a physically and emotionally safe place to process these emotions, and that is where we as parents have an important role. Let’s not miss this opportunity to minister to our children at their point of pain. Their point of fear. Their point of confusion. If they want to sit face to face and talk, fine. If it’s easier for them to do this on a walk, while doing their nails, or on the basketball court where they don’t have to look us in the eye, that’s ok too. But let’s make sure at some point that we make eye contact and they see our sincere love for them. Allow them to see our assurance. Our non-preachy presence and compassion will be a powerful help.

2. Let’s process this with truth. Due to the frequent threats on schools that must be addressed and publicly announced, the trigger of fear increases. Emotions and tensions are high. But truth is still truth, and the truth is that school shootings are still very rare. In fact, a student is much more at risk of physical danger while driving to school than they are once they reach the campus. Mortality rates of children are more impacted by drugs than school shootings. Yet, we must address the threats. We must provide our children with strategies for safety. Ultimately, we must balance grace and truth. Hear them, validate them. But also tell them the truth about the risk. Truth: school shootings are happening. Equal Truth: they are more likely to be killed in a plane crash than a school shooting.

3. After processing, invite a healthy distraction. Go do something together. A game of basketball. A movie. A manicure. A board game. Cook dinner together. While it’s never helpful to use distractions to completely escape reality, a healthy distraction at the appointed time is just… healthy.

What else can you do?

*In your effort to do something proactive with your fear and anger, I would encourage that you not send your young child to a protest or an adult school safety meeting that will only heighten their fears. Those are your emotions. Do something productive with your emotions, but be careful not to project your fears onto your child. Their emotions are already overwhelming enough for them to manage without the addition of adult emotions.

*Minimize exposure to TV or social media accounts of school violence, particularly for young children. Make sure any discussions with a young child are age appropriate. Watching news stories repetitively (for children or adults) only invites secondary trauma, and increases an unhealthy degree of fear and hypervigilance.

*Remain in control of your emotions, and allow your emotions to be used productively. If you are having a difficult time with this, take a personal time out and discuss your emotions with another trusted and calm adult.

*Be vigilant. Talk to your children about people or situations that concern them. Get on their social media accounts. Be proactive in partnering with your community to address the issues. When you as a parent see or hear of an issue of concern, don’t just talk to other parents about it, report it. Speak to administration about how you can help. Provide helpful encouragement and input to your local law-enforcement and education officials. Offer your time, expertise, or services to be a part of the solution for safety in your schools.

Unfortunately, we do live in a fallen world. There will be more school shootings. There is no utopia in which we won’t see violence in America. Have the tough conversations, but make sure they are healthy conversations. And when you’ve taken appropriate responsibility to address the concerns, put your eyes on Christ, your eternal hope. That will allow you to take a deep breath, and rest in the safety this world can never provide.

Donna Gibbs, co-owner of Summit Wellness Centers, PLLC, is author of the recent releases, Silencing Insecurity and Becoming Resilient. Donna has authored numerous other books, and is commonly featured on radio broadcasts across America, and occasionally internationally as well. Donna has been providing individuals and families the hope and help they need for twenty years as a national certified counselor, board-certified professional Christian counselor, and licensed professional counselor supervisor. A member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), she is a leading professional provider for Focus on the Family, Christian Care Network, r3Continuum, FINDINGbalance, and Samaritan’s Purse. Follow Donna’s author page at https://www.facebook.com/DonnaGibbsResilience/ for daily encouragement, the weekly blog, and updates regarding events and speaking engagements.

How To Help Our Children Process Threats to School Safety

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