by Kevin Wimbish, LMFT
For a number of my growing up years, my life was somewhat tumultuous. We moved about an average of once every year by the time I was a teenager. When I was 15, mom died and 26, dad died.
Needless to say, it has been a challenge for me to “let people in,” and I’m certain a deep part of it is fear of rejection and/ or being left in some manner.
And yet, one day, about 19 years ago, God allowed me to meet this wonderful person. I noticed her walking on campus. We met at a Christian retreat. It didn’t take long for me to know that she was the one.
Since then, we have walked through wonderful joys and deep pain. We started our first “real jobs” after college, experienced the decline and death of my father, and the births of both of our precious kids. We had “wins” and “losses” at work. We worked through conflict and resolution, my wrestling matches with deep darkness, and working out my fears of getting close, of being known.
Why do I tell you all of this? Because I think our culture indoctrinates us to see even one another as expendable; as commodities; as consumables. If the other doesn’t make you happy, “get another one” the culture may say.
Even as Christians, we can allow this mentality to infiltrate our minds and our marriages.
Julie and I have been married for over 16 years. I’ve known her longer than I knew my mother. God has used her in my life to reflect His unfailing love; that it is possible to be known to the depths of one’s self, and be loved and accepted. He has shown through her what it is know that someone is with me in it, no matter how big the it is.
In our marriages, the culture may say look to the other for fault, and make sure he/ she is meeting your needs. I think the Bible would encourage us to “… first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of [the other person’s] eye.” (Matthew 7:5, New American Standard Bible.)
The culture may say to think of yourself as an individual, with your fullest joy coming from “self-fulfillment.” The Scriptures say “…the two shall become one flesh; so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:8)
May we seek to submit our pride and self-centeredness before the throne of God that something better, more beautiful, more lasting may arise in our marriages and families.
May we live in such a way that the other is able to let down his/her defenses and find love and safety.
May we believe and seek to live out in our marriages the words of Jesus, “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.” (Luke 9:24)
